Que Sera Sera

Text messages saved in my phone, vol. 10

(Vol. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9)

Oh like I don’t already own adult diapers.

Tori Spelling was there. She looked like Manimal.


I just poured tortilla chips into a bowl of salsa and I’m eating it with a spoon. How’s your day been?

Remind me to tell you my idea for Ann Taylor Loft

Curvature of the spine, darling!

I will tell him you are rough and tough and well-trained in the art of emoticon snowmen

I am sitting in a McDonalds and the sun came out from behind a cloud at the same exact moment INXS’s “Disappear” came on.

Igneous I hope!

Deal. When do we meet the guys who deserve us again?

It’s coming up. I can feel it.

Betty just gave me a shoe full of condoms as a belated Christmas present.

Make it clear to him that WE DO NOT NOODLE

It’s preferable you were skort-clad; in jungian symbolism, the skort signifies eternal devotion

FYI you’re not in the Duane Reade on Flatbush. If you were you would’ve loved it when I jumped out from around the aisle and screamed your name. Your doppelganger was not as pleased.

My new boss is 19, and the son of my supervisor’s golf buddy. Yaaaaay.

I got booed at on the sidewalk by a group of drunk police officers. I hate St. Patrick’s Day.

You didn’t elope did you?

You mean Greg Evigan.

I just had a kiosk worker at the mall try and use the pitch, “Excuse me sir, have you heard of the Dead Sea?”

So it looks like there’s a 7:20 showing of Bride Wars at Court Street if you guys need something to do. (I never explain these, but this is extra funny because Eden sent it about an hour after Nick landed in New York for the first time.)

Is it weird that I kind of like being dilated?

I would have to dress in drag so I wouldn’t get stuck doing the lady chores. I’m all about muskets.

Apparently “bitty” is a word. And dad thinks a cupcake outfit is “cute.”

I’m controversial!

The night has just begun and I’m already mixing white wine with PBR. It’s called a God Bless America. I will regret this.

You need to manage your expectations.

All the undergrads who wore bandanas around their necks last year are now wearing them on their heads. I like fashion that’s just about moving things around.

Man, I wish there was a modern day Silent Lucidity.

I Am TAKING IT O666nThd run RIGHT N6669ow

Your mom’s the one who married a sailor!

Maddox is 7 today. Happy meals for everyone and a filet-o-fish for Pax.

All of brooklyn misses you.

Just don’t get pulled into a Black Snake Moan situation.

Busey’s balls are gorgeous.

We drank Russian Princesses all night and talked of housebarons.

Man oh man. One week ago Sarah had no idea.

Oh by the way, I’m just covering my bases, but please don’t mention to my mom that I texted you after ten.

Condoms? Ham?

You can’t tame these horses with no ring

P.S. Are you sick of my texts yet.

I love this year.

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