Received text messages saved in my cell phone, v.2

Come home before too long. Many vinyls to be spun.

Isn’t Salvador Dali in the living room wearing a diving suit? P.S.: Nice gams

I will kill him.

It’s cause you’re so fucking fine.

Fucking total batshit thunderdome anarchy

Just saw sign for new waterslide at Frontier City called the “MEGA WEDGIE.” Seriously theme park people, be frank with us.

Sometimes the odds actually do break in your favor. I’m glad they gave me you, instead of giving me a bass boat from the Price is Right. You’re much better than a bass boat.

Brass in pocket on the juke box just for you!

Sarah, you deserve better.

It’s ok to be confused. You’ll figure it out eventually.

Fight against the sadness, Artex!

Would you like me to pass the creamer, dawg?

Say, remember when you said “Wetter than a black hole/big bang combo”? That was pretty cool.

Wine and your toothbrush.

Ditto kiddo

All I know is that, a lady like you—you gotta lock that down.

Please don’t marry another man just yet.

Man, we’re in big trouble aren’t we?

My money’s on Julia Child’s being way into hardcore ass fucking. There, use that next time you do a “What’s in my text message inbox” post.

Hands flat on the desk, and feet flat on the floor. I’ll be there soon.