Text messages saved in my phone, vol. 7
Apparently there have been new advancements in slutsville!
I am miserable. I met Stephen Colbert btw and I am eating peach mousse on the roof of the Yale Club. But still.
My msg was code. To rally the grey goose army of kings county. You in?
Isn’t there someone else you can pretend to hate right now? I’m on deadline.
Right now I’m on my couch in my lesbian gardener outfit reading British tabloids.
Yeah, he’s real deal. Maybe even has a plow to go back to!
More awesome, less mammalian.
Several of the videos involve wound dressing so far.
Maniac Latin Disciples = best street gang of all time.
I enjoy listening to music very much. I would like a chicken dinner, please.
Out here in the perimeter there are no stars.
Who is that? I love him!
GOD BLESS THE GODDAMN INTERNET
This is my son Bailiff, and my daughter Bitchface.
If I wasn’t on a couch in Cleveland, I’d bring you a milkshake and percocet.
Because Destiny made another mistake.
The slut technology, I can’t keep up.
Probably Yeti. They walk and drink among us.
No kidding! I love being young and pretty!
I am looking at pictures of poisonous Oklahoma insects online on a Saturday nite. Where does that put me
How come nobody told me I look like Suri Cruise?
Watching a real live sword swallower, as you do.
Nachos for lunch! Because it seemed silly to stop at nachos for breakfast.
So let it be written! So let it be done!
Did I say narcotics I meant jesus
Because he’s holding a THERMAL DETONATAHH!!!
It just dawned on me how awful it would be to fall in a well. No one would hear you scream. Be careful and I’ll do the same.
The boys want you to know they are playing Led Zeppelin. I want you to know Roy is playing air guitar.
It’s sort of a problem that I look so good in a beret, huh?
I’m watching all the garbage in the Thames. What’s up?
In my dreams we go to Arbys for Jamocha shake breaks
I would be the king of LaGuardia!
Is it a cougar?
Pete’s is overrun w Sisters of Mercy loving Winona look-alikes! We need your help!
Cthulu! I get it now!
Gene the Chester pie man. Chester, WV. You would love him more than you can believe.
I’m in a dark period!
Maybe I’ll move to cali to write a screenplay for my movie idea, a rom-com called “My Mexican Day Laborer.”
We take em by sea. Gods nightgown, we do.
It’s men like you, Sarah Brown…
Can’t top that, won’t try.