This must be the place

It isn’t a Brown family Christmas until someone’s taken a cigarette burn to the eyelid and someone else has told you about their near-death experience in the hospital while they carve the turkey. We just finished opening presents at 3:30 in the afternoon, all the while listening to the Talking Heads and eating cream cheese straight from the brick. I’m about to settle in for a long winter’s watching of Shaun of the Dead with my brother. (Movies my brother has watched in the past 48 hours: Deer Hunter, Roadhouse, Gremlins 2, Swing Time.) I have not changed out of my pajamas yet and have no intention of doing so. I very sincerely hope that every single one of you is as happy and content as I am right this minute. Merry Christmas.