Dear Tupac Shakur,

According to my email news headlines page, it seems that you’ve released yet another single. Here are my feelings on that, Mr. Shakur: If you are dead, you do not get to release any more songs. If you faked your own death, you still do not get to release any more songs. That is called having your cake and eating it too. Jim Morrison faked his own death, but did you hear him releasing any singles that sampled Elton John eight years later? No, you did not. Mostly because he probably died his sad bloated real death about six weeks after his faked French bathtub death, but still. This means that the Lizard King, the man who filled wine goblets full of urine while completely passed out, the man who wore the same pair of leather pants for an entire summer tour until his bandmates complained of the stench, this man has shown more respect and restraint than you have. So please, either show yourself or stay in the ground and shut the fuck up.

Lylas,
SB