Got me so down I got me a headache
I recently agreed to take part in a clinical study for a new migraine medicine. This seemed like a win/win situation for me, because not only would I be supplied with free migraine medicine for a whole year (my current prescription isn’t covered by my insurance, so I pay $68 for 9 pills), if I stayed in the study for the allotted time, I’d get paid $225. This whole offer—plus the free physical and EKG—was so enticing that when I felt the first tinges of a migraine coming on last night, I almost welcomed the chance to try out my new medicine. Foolish me. The drug somehow AMPLIFIED my migraine, making me feel like my brain stem wanted to puke, knocking me on my ass for a good four hours, and completely robbing me of my Saturday night. It felt like what I would imagine a really bad trip would feel like, and I think it also might have caused me to hallucinate, because at one point I was convinced that a brontosaurus was standing on my cerebellum, and the only thing that would make it stop would be if I held my arm away from my body in a perfectly straight line. This may have had something to do with the fact that the people I had dinner with earlier that evening insisted on ordering octopus for an appetizer, and slicing open the head to see if the brain was still in there, but regardless, let me tell you: if a brontosaurus is ever standing on your cerebellum, you can do whatever the fuck you want with your arms, because you’re screwed.