Bugs 2: The Stand Off
The scene: the laundry room, located in the basement of the apartment building.
The players: Sarah B., and one big fucking roach.
The plot: Sarah B. waltzes down the steps without a care in the world, fresh from Borders, where she has purchased a book and a magazine and a CD. This recent commerce has left her feeling heady and invincible… until she turns the corner and sees what filth lies waiting between the washing machine and herself.
Sarah B. feels a rush of emotions: relief, that hers is not the only unit infested; hope, that perhaps this is the mama alien roach, and once destroyed, there will be no more; and fear, when she realizes that she has no Raid. She looks to her left, then looks to her right, and spies the only thing that could even closely resemble a weapon: a miniature can of Easy Off Oven Cleaner.
Sarah B. shakes the bottle, takes aim, and foams that motherfucker to death.
It takes a good ten minutes, and she is high and itchy from the fumes, but as she places the Rubbermaid trash can over the still-writhing beast, Sarah B. feels triumphant. She has earned her rest tonight.
It is Miller Time.