Evidently, it’s not that easy being green:

Last night I spent a good twenty minutes talking to a young man my age who, as far as I can tell, was named after a muppet. I enjoyed this more than I probably should have.

Why is it that perfectly attractive young men feel the need to get creative with the facial hair? Is it just because they can? Shouldn’t everyone have outgrown that urge by now? If women dress for other women, then men must abstain from shaving for other men, because I have yet to hear a girl gush over a guy’s dreamy mutton chops.