Items Found Upon Cleaning Out My Car, A 1995 Honda Accord Coupe That Seriously Didn’t Look Like A Bag Lady Lived Inside:

• One striped scarf
• One yellow raincoat
• One black raincoat
• One rain-soaked brown suede jacket with a “HELLO MY NAME IS: meestah lovah lovah” sticker; additional sticker in pocket with someone named Vince’s phone number, email and vital stats (5’7”, 125 lbs.)
• One gray wool glove
• One green hooded sweatshirt
• One Billie Holiday poster
• One True Romance poster
• One Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks poster
• One David Sedaris poster
• One paper star lamp, torn
• One love note on back of receipt from college boyfriend
• One grocery bag full of orange Halloween lights
• One box of New Yorker magazines from 1998-99
• One cowboy hat
• One Cranium board game
• One individually-wrapped tampon
• Two mini flashlights
• Three Christmas stockings
• One framed Van Gogh print
• One black leather portfolio containing all my advertising work
• One set suede curtains
• Two umbrellas
• One music box
• One George Carlin book
• One box of dominoes
• One TV remote control from local bar
• Three funeral home can openers
• Seven printed invitations to party from 2002
• One pair black furry earmuffs
• One disposable camera, undeveloped, 3 pictures taken
• One list of the full names of every single person I’ve ever kissed, written on the back of a page-a-day calendar from May 14, 2002
• One box of stationery from my alma mater
• One George Michael “Freedom” cassingle
• One tape: REM “Out of Time”
• One tape: U2 “Achtung Baby”
• One tape: Tori Amos “Little Earthquakes”
• One tape: The Doors “Morrison Hotel”
• Eighteen mix tapes
• Nine blank CDs
• One Harper Collins study bible
• One Where’s Waldo calendar from 1992, January-August
• One glowstick