Missing the gene

Actual headlines on the cover of Elegant Bride magazine, given to me by my best friend Emily:

“Pretty Colors, Pretty Ideas”
“Gorgeous Ribbons & Bows”
“Simplify Your Seating Chart”

Last night, after five wonderful but exhausting days, I lie down on the bed and open this magazine. Nick is sitting at the computer.

“This veil costs more than our rent.”

“This woman is sitting in the sand in a giant dress, pouting. She does not seem at all worried about the tide.”

“There’s an entire spread about all the different kinds of pink makeup available to me… Nick, I definitely want to marry you, but I do not think I want to be a bride.”

“That’s okay. You can have the groom’s job: just showing up on time.”

“I’d probably be fifteen minutes late.”

At this point, Nick takes the magazine. “Is this seating chart thing for real? It reads like an Onion article.”

A minute later: “Is this a pug covered in ribbons?”

“Are you sure it’s a ribbon, not a bow?”

“I don’t know, how can you tell?”