AND ANOTHER THING

Not to be Andy Rooney but I don’t understand why I have to break in my old sandals all over again every summer. I don’t have to do this with my boots every fall. Why can’t someone science me up some futuristic foot skin with Tempur-Pedic Memory Foam? It’s 2009 and I realize there’s a depression and some people have the swine flu but my feet are slightly sweaty and sore.

(I’m turning off comments just so we don’t have to loathe each other more than we already will after you read that paragraph.)

Okay, P.S., I googled “Tempur-Pedic” to make sure I was spelling it correctly, and check out that website. All the beds listed there look like you can buy them for your Sims. This is a thought I’ve had more than once lately. I’d say it was a joke but I actually had The Sims back in 2000. I bought it as a treat to myself after handing in my thesis. That game lasted through at least two boyfriends. The first one would be like, “Come to bed, it’s two am, are you still playing that game?!” and I’d hiss, “Thirty more minutes! I’m trying to get a raise at work!” Shockingly, that relationship ended and then the next boyfriend would say things like, “Ah, The Sims… The Game with Bathrooms.”

I wish I could still play the original Sims game on my Mac now somehow, none of that expansion pack stuff. I don’t need for them to have a dog or a birthday party; I just want to landscape a garden and kill one of them by removing the ladder from the swimming pool. Is this a doable thing, science? Sometimes I hear scraps of background music somewhere that remind me of the music the Sims game would play while you built your house, and I am instantly transported to being 23 years old, laid off and in front of the computer in my first apartment at 3 am. It’s not a bad memory at all.

Well! That ended differently than we thought it would, didn’t it. I don’t know about you but I feel refreshed. Comments back on, drinks are on me. The name on the tab is A. Rooney.