I'm sorry, Lansing

X: Have you ever been to Unnamed Major U.S. City?
O: I try not to set foot in Unnamed Major U.S. City due to a bad ex-boyfriend.
X: Ugh, bad exes need to move somewhere mediocre that we never need to visit. Like Lansing. They should all move to Lansing.
O: That should be a law. Everyone gets to choose one ex and send them to Lansing.
X: We can also send horrible ex-girlfriends of current boyfriends to Lansing. All the exes can get together and spawn weird alien children who have no souls.
O: YES. This is brilliant! Any one person can only have one person in Lansing at a time, so if you want to put in an ex’s ex, you have to remove an ex.
X: Basically all of us will eventually do our Lansing time, and there will be Lansing marriages, and all the news shows will love it.
O: “This is Katie Couric, and this has been this week’s segment of Love Comes to Lansing.”
X: Oh this is great! Poor Lansing will be crawling with terrible people!
O: Then, after a few years, Lansing gets to evict the whole colony to whatever city it wants.
X: Then the medical mysteries shows will camp out there because Lansing will be filled with deformed babies who have evil intentions.
O: And you can’t even pity the babies because their whole purpose in being alive is to make you feel bad about yourself and say hurtful things about your outfit and sneer at you when you try to get close to them.
X: Actually, this is pretty close to how I've always suspected that Unnamed Major U.S. City got started in the first place.