Breaking even

Getting asked out: +1
Person who asked you out saying “Bye, Melissa!” -1

Last night I stayed up an hour later than I wanted to because my little brother emailed me his English paper, asking me to revise it. Of course I did it, because he’s my brother, and because revising papers is one of my few marketable skills, but mostly I did it because I feel that I will forever owe my brother for the time that he was annoying me so I hissed at him, “I know what you do in the bathtub.” I have no idea where it came from; maybe I’d heard it in a movie or something, because when I said it, I was too young to truly know what I was implying, and he was way too young to really know what I was implying either, but I could tell by his face that he knew he’d been insulted, and that some dull radar of shame had sounded in his head. It’s the one thing I regret ever saying to him, because seriously, that’s some mean shit, so I am forever yoked to revise papers for him at any hour.

In other news, today I got an email from HR with the subject line “pizza Fridays.” I feel that this can only end awesomely.