My mother’s response to my Morning News piece:

Mom: Honey, that’s great! You are so talented.

Me: Thanks, Mom.

Mom: However, I don’t think you should show this to any potential employers.

Me: What?

Mom: And don’t take anything from [my current place of business]!

Me: Mom! I exaggerated about the pens, if it helps you sleep at night.

Mom: I don’t remember the eraser incident.

Me: You don’t? Really?

Mom: No. I do remember Christie, though. She was a bitch.