This week is Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, which has near-holy status in my family. Watching Shark Week together became a tradition back when I was in high school, when it usually coincided with our vacations at the beach. My mother could not fathom how we could watch it all night and then swim in the ocean the next day.
My father called last night to ask if I was coming over.
“I have to go to the store tonight, Dad. Besides, I was over last night.”
“But it’s Shark Week,” he said, genuinely confused.
This year, for some reason, it’s Celebrity Shark Week, which is kind of a fuck-you to the sharks, in my opinion. Is just the fact that they’re sharks not enough? Has the guy from J.A.G. managed to stay at the top of his evolutionary food chain for millions of years? When he does that, he can be join the show. And don’t give me any crap about the human race being at the top. I mean the guy from J.A.G. personally. He’s already got his own shitty show. Give the sharks their due.