Cinema:

Last night I accompanied my friend Brian to see Swimfan so he could review it for our local NPR station. My four-word movie review? Worse than The Faculty. My friend Brian, however, gets five stars, because he opened my car door for me and all that other nice stuff I’d forgotten about.

To put things into perspective, I would rather see Swimfan three times in a row before ever viewing My Big Fat Greek Wedding again. I would watch eight back-to-back episodes of Becker on CBS before ever viewing My Big Fat Greek Wedding again. Evidently I am the only person in America who feels this way, but I hated that movie with the heat of one thousand white-hot suns. It tried so hard to do everything the wonderful Monsoon Wedding did, failed miserably, and now it’s getting all the credit Monsoon Wedding deserved. It sucked sooooo bad. Really.

No, really.