Colors:

A few years ago, I had one of the most entertaining co-workers on the planet. She was crazy, and while I could spend hours telling you all of her crazy antics, the best, craziest thing about her was that her eyeshadow matched her outfit every single day. She evidently had one of those huge 48-shade eyeshadow palettes that you got for Christmas when you were 14 from your cheap aunt, only she used hers, every single day. She could whip up any combination possible. Seriously. Like, she had this sort of iridescent orangish shirt she’d wear sometimes, and when she did, her eyelids weren’t peach, or bright orange. They were the exact same shade as the shirt, complete with those shiny lines that Bugs Bunny always had on his eyelids when he dressed like a girl. When she wore black, it was dark, smoky grey. One day she showed up in a blue shirt but with purple lids, and my other co-workers and I held a pow-wow where we decided that she must have gotten ready, spilled something on her purple shirt, and had to make a last-minute switch. She was that dedicated.

This girl got married, and a few of us were invited to the wedding. I couldn’t make it since I had to be out of town that weekend, but you have no idea how sorry I was to miss this spectacle, especially since you have no idea how crazy this girl was, and how many crazy, crazy details I’d heard for the months leading up to the wedding. The bachelorette party story alone just floored me. Anyway, another one of my co-workers went to the ceremony, and she called me long distance from her car on the way home, since we had some money riding on the shadow.

“So?” I said. “Was it white?”

“No,” my friend said simply, keeping me in suspense.

“No? What was it then?”

“Pink.”

“Pink? What the hell? Pink?”

“Pink. To match the bridesmaids’ dresses.”

“Oh. Ooooohhhhh. Oh, man. That’s good. I had no idea.”

“I know. We were so in over our heads.”