A little reality:

I have been receiving am alarming amount of email lately where complete strangers compliment me and make jokes about wanting to marry me. Now, I’m not going to lie and say that isn’t flattering and it doesn’t make me smile and feel like a badass, but I am a bit concerned that you people are not getting the Real Deal from my words, so I’m going to fill you in a little here just to make sure everyone knows I’m not always flitting around, casting off bon mots and kissing exotic boys.

I liked the movie Romeo + Juliet, and not for ironic reasons. My favorite song of all time, also for unironic reasons, is “Brandy” by Looking Glass. Monday, did I wash my hair? No. On Saturday I didn’t get out of bed until almost 3. I do not floss every day, or even every week. My little brother stopped thinking I was cool years ago. I’m pretty sure my parents don’t even think I’m cool. My nose is not cute. I am not hot. I have never owned thong underwear. I’m not even going to tell you the state I awoke in this morning. I’ve had no idea who anyone on The Real World is since 1999. When I’m drunk, I sing. Loudly. If I shower in your shower, I’ll use your scented body wash, even if I brought my own. I am not tall or graceful. I will covet your french fries. I have a sneaking suspicion that when I try to act sexy, it’s actually just funny. I probably think I’m a lot smarter than I really am. If you were in the same room as me while I was reading, you would get mad because I can tune you out so well I’d forget your name.

Really, what I have going for me is pretty much what I’ve said before: I’m very friendly and articulate, and my hair almost always smells like wildflowers. Just not yesterday.