Just a suggestion:

Soon I leave for Friday night at the bar with friends. Having learned the hard (not that hard means unfun) way, tonight I will be following a few rules of thumb:

1.) Four gin and tonics = charming drunk. Five gin and tonics = kissing people. Although five has historically been my lucky number, tonight I will favor four.

2.) Also, a lady sips her four drinks, and so will I.

3.) At the end of the evening, one should have a firm grip on one’s keys, one’s wallet, and one’s address. Perhaps grip is not the best word, but at least bearings.

4.) Whispering: so much more fetching than shouting.

5.) No matter how punk rock it may seem to everyone at the table at that moment, you will all regret waking up covered in sharpie.

6.) I cannot reiterate that last one enough, because it will seem so punk rock, and kind of hot, too, in a Memento sort of way.

7.) I like to tell myself that if I must smoke, my mother would at least take some shred of comfort in the fact that I always adhere to the “a lady never lights her own” rule.

8.) Whatever gets me to sleep at night, right?