Why do I have a feeling I’m going to regret posting this?

Best quotes of last night:

“What starts with F and rhymes with uck?”

“Amber.”

—

“Is he telling the then-she-stuffed-her-panties-in-my-mouth story again?”

“I swear, he has gotten so much mileage out of that story.”

“If he doesn’t watch out, it’s going to start defining him.”

—

“…and then all of the sudden she just screamed Fuck me like I’m twelve!”

“Wait, wait: did you actually stop at that point and start doing it in a different way than you had been?”

—

“My friend, I owe you some bacon.”