DON’T say dwarves:

When I was in college, I spent a few summers interning at advertising agencies. As internships go, it was a pretty sweet deal, because it was air conditioned and the people were funny, and even though I had to buy crap like flat-front khakis and Old Navy sundresses with little matching sweaters, sometimes I got cool assignments, like going around to stores and being a secret shopper, armed with petty cash and a Polaroid camera. However, some days were spent filing, filing for hours and hours, alone in the little empty office where someone thought they were doing me a favor by tuning the wimpy little radio to the All Phil Collins station, and it was always Two-fer Tuesday, where they played the Phil Collins song from Tarzan two times in a row all day long until you wanted to stab yourself with the dull end of the three-hole punch.

Anyway: filing. I filed boring things, like spec sheets and change orders and meeting reports, and none of them ever had anything interesting on them, only things like CLIENT SAYS 5/8” OKAY and BLAH BLAH BLAH CERAMIC TILE PHOTO SHOOT BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then one day, I came across the Best Sheet of Paper To Ever Be Filed. It was a change order for an ad for the State Fair, and there were only three lines of text on the page. It read:

NO Ted Nugent
ONLY three Neville Brothers
DON’T say dwarves

I sat there, alone in the tiny empty office, Phil Collins cooing some song about gorilla babies, and laughed and laughed and laughed until I cried. Then I called all of my friends and tried to whisper it into the phone, only it’s hard to shout-whisper, because you MUST read the first word of each line like someone is pissed off. How many times do I have to tell you? Ted Nugent is a no show, quit inventing Neville brothers, and for fuck’s sake, don’t bring up the little people again.

It was the brightest moment of my interning career. Possibly even my life.