Laying it out:

Things I have to look forward to: that industrial-sized vat of Country Time lemonade mix in my pantry; bachelorette weekend trip; out-of-town visitors; almost time for thunderstorms again and this lady at work told me all about how they’re so good because they bring negative ions which sounded like a load of hippie crap to me until the Discovery Channel backed her up so I’m cool with that; I got this great new shower curtain; and my birthday is in exactly three months, so there’s the promise of cake and birthday sex. What? You doubt my promise of birthday sex? Don’t doubt the wonders I can work in three months, doubter.

Things I do not have to look forward to: owing the government approximately 7 kazillion dollars in taxes. Hey, whose great idea was it to fuck me up the ass twice for being unemployed? I’m going to pretend like it was Julia Roberts just because I’m too tired to add anyone else to my hate list.*

*My hate list: Hitler, Julia Roberts.