My weekend, in a series of poorly-constructed sentences:

So Saturday morning Brian said, “I think I want to go to the mall.” And I said, “You want to go to the mall?” and he said, “I really think I do.” So we Went To The Mall, in every sense of the phrase. We ate at the food court and counted the girls with prom hair and then he said, “You know, I’ve never been inside a Hot Topic.” So we went to Hot Topic and witnessed some sort of Hello Kitty doll wearing a bear costume while holding a tiny stuffed puppy, which seemed to me to be like the turducken of plush toys, but what do I know? Then we went to the Thomas Kinkade gallery and it was completely and predictably horrifying, but while we were standing in front of a print that depicted the Statue of Liberty and an American flag and an eagle and like lightning or something, Brian all of the sudden just licked the canvas, and it was the most horrible awesome thing ever in the history of the world, and then he said, “The scariest part was that it didn’t taste like anything,” and I’m pretty sure that he’s my favorite person on the planet just for that.

Then we drove home in this weird pouring rain/blinding sunshine that Brian described as “end times weather” and got wet-jeans-wet-hair soaked to the bone just while running from the car to the house, where we made lots of T-shirts, and that night there was much red wine during movie night at the mansion and I saw Super Troopers and Roger Dodger and oh my god did I mention all the red wine?

I spent most of today lying on a blanket at the park and now I have the skin to show for it. Then there was Easter with my family, and evidently it’s just not Easter unless someone wets his pants. However, this seven year old I know told me I was the most beautiful person he knows not counting Wonder Woman, and this three year old I know is totally setting me up on a blind date with his friend Marky to “go eat casserole and waffles,” so I’m pretty psyched. What to wear? I hear the kids are way into Hello Kitty.