Bite me:

Dear Officer Dickrash,

Thanks for pulling me over on my way home at 7 this morning! I was just wondering, do they teach you phrases like “Miss Brown, I should write you one whale of a ticket” at the academy? Because, to be honest, I don’t think that’s a unit of measurement recognized outside of TOTAL DICKHOLE circles.

Just looking out for you,
SB

P.S. I was still hungover and not wearing a seatbelt. Sucker.