Dear Officer Dickrash,
Thanks for pulling me over on my way home at 7 this morning! I was just wondering, do they teach you phrases like “Miss Brown, I should write you one whale of a ticket” at the academy? Because, to be honest, I don’t think that’s a unit of measurement recognized outside of TOTAL DICKHOLE circles.
Just looking out for you,
P.S. I was still hungover and not wearing a seatbelt. Sucker.