What happens in Tulsa stays in Tulsa:

This weekend was Nate and Jen’s wedding. We all had been eagerly awaiting the fun to be had, but I don’t think any of us had any idea exactly just how much fun there was going to be. I might have to call in to work depressed tomorrow just because it won’t be Saturday night again.

The highlights I remember:

Greg acting out in great detail the magic and the horror that is The ABC of Sex-Ed for Trainables. I must own this. Trust me, you must own this too.

Before the wedding even started, Jon tapped me on the shoulder to ask if I had “any toys in my purse.” Then, right after they said their vows and everyone was all misty, he leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Did you hear that Sinbad has a new movie coming out?”

Matt Clayton was on the groom’s cake. A picture of Matt Clayton. That’s all. Sidenote: Matt Clayton does a flawless Tia Carrere impression.

Brian’s best man toast began with “PEOPLE OF EARTH!” Then he went over to the lady cutting the cake and said, “Could you cut me some of that guy’s face?”

I’m not allowed to tell how I know, or what I know, but let’s just say that I now know what happens in Season 3 of Smallville. And he was really cute.

Also at the wedding was a dikini child that could look straight into your soul and then write your sins in the book of life with its golden-quilled pen. It was wearing recyclable pants.

Evidently when one Unnamed Person was making out with another Unnamed Person after the reception, she whispered in his ear, “What happens in Tulsa stays in Tulsa.” Sister, you have no idea.

Any night that turns into a drunken pool party is a good night. Any drunken pool party that includes Jon in the pool still wearing his suit and tie and shoes and eating Doritos is a great drunken pool party.

Also, there was a bat that kept doing fly-bys.

I’m pretty sure Mat saved me from drowning at least five times, and not because I’m a bad swimmer, but because it’s hard to swim and hold your drink aloft at the same time.

I will forever love Kelly and Erin for immediately knowing exactly what I meant when I said, “Hey, let’s play mermaid hair!”

I will forever love Joe Witt for holding my purse and bra and wet swimsuit while I laid in the hammock and recited the entire “breathe deep” part of “Nights in White Satin.”

Mat and I whispered like little kids at a slumber party while we fell asleep. Well, more like two little kids who had been drinking since 2 pm. I distinctly remember talking about sharks and lasers and arguing about who was going to get up and change the thermostat.

Over breakfast, it was suggested that we are quite possibly hitting our golden age right now. I believe it. We’re at the top of our game, we’ve got a solid group, and I really think we can take it all the way to state.

If you didn’t wake up Sunday morning with curly chlorinated hair in someone else’s boxer shorts and G’n’F’n’R shirt, still wearing your party shoes, then my friend, your Saturday night was lacking.