Que Sera Sera

Inspiration:

Someone just arrived at my site by searching for “happy birthday poems for an ex-boyfriend.” Well, I aim to please.

DISCLAIMER: In no way are these poems representative of my own personal past relationships or ex-boyfriends. I only date champions. With nice moms.

Que Sera Sera Happy Birthday Poems for an Ex-Boyfriend, Or Perhaps a Current Boyfriend You’d Like to Release from His Contract:

Happy Birthday!
I wouldn’t know whether or not it happens to everyone,
Since I wasted my youth on only you.

Happy Birthday!
You should quit acting so cool
I saw that picture of your ex;
She was fat.

Happy Birthday!
I only acted like it was endearing that you still got “Nintendo Power” magazine
Because of the tremendous guilt I felt
From fucking your best friend.

Happy Birthday!
Size isn’t everything
And evidently
Neither is
Personality nor
Charm nor
Intelligence
But
With you
It’s mostly size.

Happy Birthday!
Your mom
Is a bitch
Your sister is too.

Happy Birthday!
Do I want to hear another song you wrote on the guitar?
For the love of God
NO.

Happy Birthday!
The time has come;
I’ve made you over.
Next.

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