Respect the lions den

Below is the absolute best response we got to our ad on Craigslist looking for a new roommate.

“what up,

new dog in town on hunt for room to rent. this looks like my style, long as it on first story as i have several heavy posessions that cant go up stairs. little bout me…good looking brother (yall behave), 6’1”, 43 yrs old, work from home computer programmer. most important thing is respect to my room as my lions den: lovely ladies will be coming in and out, at different hours of the day and night, being pleased by me and pleasing me in return and then gettin they ass out the door. i see there’s a air conditioner in that room – i’m definitely going to need that because there’s gonna be a lot of sweating going on in my lions den. the heavy objects i have include “his and hers” coffins and a aluminum trapeze set (safety harness attached, don’t trip) which i will have to install into ceiling. non-smoker, but have to ask you to excuse incence and perfumes coming from the lions den, along with candlewax, spanish fly, rubber fumes, occasional smell of body heat and leather. (all natural materials.) also see in pic there are bookshelves in that room—dont need those, i school the ladies all they need to know. also, i sleep in bare, just so you know if you drop into lions den for breakfast you might end up with a buffet like shoney’s.

hit me up … at xxx-xxx-xxxx. id like to measure room for coffin space as soon as possible.”

I knew it had to be fake, but I didn’t notice until the third time I read it that they’d listed my own phone number as the contact info. So it has to be from one of our friends, only no one’s owned up to it. Why would you let this go unattributed?! It’s like da Vinci not signing the Mona Lisa! (Eh, did da Vinci actually sign the Mona Lisa? I don’t have a copy of Dan Brown handy.)