Me: I had a horrible dream last night, the worst nightmare I’ve ever had.
Nick: What was it?
Me: Everyone I knew hated me and was trying to kill me, so they trapped me in this giant arena and were torturing me for an audience.
Nick: Aw, that’s awful. Was I there?
Me: No, you were the only person who wasn’t there! Even my dad was there.
Nick: That’s probably because I was going to break in and save you.
Me: That would have been nice. You could have shown up right before Stevie Wonder shaved my head.
Nick: I probably didn’t because I was detained. I dreamed that I was in prison for some reason, and this big group of people came to visit me, and one of them accused me of raping someone named Hagel --
Me: Is that L-E or E-L?
Nick: E-L. So I was like, “No, that’s not possible, there’s no way I ever did such a thing, and besides, I don't even know anyone named Hagel.” Which I then thought was a stupid thing to say, because what if they used that against me, that I didn't even remember raping her.
Nick: And then Hagel turned up later, and Hagel was a horse.
Me: I supposed you have could ridden in on Hagel to save me, but that wouldn’t have helped your situation much.
Nick: Yeah, that might have complicated things.