Tell the one about

Last night my friend Josh was telling me a story on the train about his college roommate, The Gift. He’d told me about The Gift before, and I really like hearing about The Gift, but I couldn’t remember some details, so I kept interrupting and saying, “Wait, didn’t The Gift _______? Tell me that part again,” like a little kid directing a bedtime story. Which got me thinking about all of my favorite stories from my friends, the ones I make them tell over and over again, while we’re at the bar or about to go to sleep, or to people I’ve just introduced them to, which I’m sure is uncomfortable for everyone but still entertaining for me. I started making a shorthand story list of my favorite friend stories in the little notebook I carry in my bag, but decided to put it here too, just to tease you. Remind me to make them tell you any of these. Especially if you’ve just met.

Roy – STIIIINNNNNGGGG! I sent you an eeeeeeeee-maaail!
Anne – Kanye West, Tom Cruise, all the Secret deodorants
Ryan – the slushee and Master Kang’s Lexus
Joey – Elvis Cow and gold-face Indian
Stephen – $5 Polaroids with boa constrictors at the elementary school
Emily – shakey-shakey fings
Tony – “Somebody call the cops.”
Megan – Kim and Thurston answering machine
Albee – the Jock Jams and Super Soakers sunset cruise
Caroline – uncle’s cat with feline AIDS serving as bridesmaid
Laura R. – sister’s diarrhea on the 25 cent horse in front of K-Mart
Brian – Michael Ruffin’s ferret
Josh P. – Blue Oyster Cult, put your dad on the phone

If I know you and you aren’t on this list, you need to tell me a good story.