Heebie Jeebies

Four lady friends at a bar:

“Ew, he left the wet food on the table after clearing the plate. Gross.”

“Wet food?”

“You know, like the food left in the strainer in the sink drain? It gives me the heebie jeebies. I don’t know why.”

“Everyone has a thing like that, right? A thing that skeeves them out for no reason? Mine is dustaches.”

“Mine is when people chew on the wet popsicle stick after the popsicle is gone. God!”

“The thing that I can’t stand is seeing a footprint in the snow of someone wearing shoes with a waffle print on the bottom. I can feel it here, in the back of my throat.”

“You know what really freaks Albee out? She can’t stand claymation. She said she hates it more than anything on the planet.”

“Claymation? Like the Rudolph special? What about Gumby? The California Raisins. No one can hate the California Raisins.”

“I can’t stand seeing someone take a first bite out of a giant hot dog or hamburger.”

“Okay, that’s just weird.”

“I hate bar soap.”

“You mean soap in a bar, or a bar of soap?”

“Just a bar of soap. When they get all cracked? Oh man!”

“You know what really bugs me? Children under three with their hands in their pockets. They’re born casual! They don’t need to do that!”

“What about you? You don’t have anything that creeps you out?”

“I guess… mine is Andie MacDowell.”