Grab bag

I feel funny lately, like something big is about to happen, but I have no idea how to coax it along. I’ve been spending lots of time writing, and I’ve also been gripped with this insatiable desire to be completely anti-social, only I’ve been going out and seeing people just as regularly as always, and I’m still just as happy to be with them, but no matter where I am or what I’m doing, some part of my brain is constantly counting down to the moment when I’m at home, alone in my room. I have no idea what this is all about; it’s not depression, because I know what that’s like, and I’m not unhappy, either. I feel like I’m on the cusp of something. Watch: it’ll be the cusp of something horrid, like mono, or bankruptcy, or true love.

Anyway, I’ve got nothing, maybe some odds and ends, but I feel like I should put something up here, so here goes.

• (“Grab bag” always reminds me of this guy I knew who actually bid on and won something on eBay entitled PORN GRAB BAG.)

• (By “knew,” I mean “dated.”)

• One thing that’s bothered me for a long time now is the clothing label Ecko Unltd. Is that long vowel notation over the O really necessary? Were they seriously worried that someone somewhere was going to pronounce this as Eck-ahh? It’s precisely this sort of lack of faith in the intelligence of the American populace that leads to them to do things like, oh, every single thing they do.

• I got invited to my ten year high school reunion this week. What? Why? No.

• I spent the other day going through a box of old keepsakes my mom brought me. Aside from finding these awesome pictures of my brother, I came across several unsent letters. I am the queen of unsent letters. I’ve always loved writing and receiving letters, and I send most of what I write, but there’s also a huge lifelong chunk of them that I wrote, felt better after having put my thoughts on the page, and then either chickened out or no longer felt the need to actually send them to the intended party. For the most part, not sending them probably didn’t make any big impact on my life, but I found a few that made me wish I had a time machine so I could go back and see how they would have been received. One in particular, written in the winter of 2002 to the person I was dating at the time, probably would have changed the outcome of our entire relationship. What, you didn’t know this and this? Oh, probably because I told you but then forgot to actually let you know I’d told you. I have no idea what to do with these letters, although I toyed with the idea of sending out the whole batch of them like nothing happened and just pretending like they got caught in a time warp. I had a similar idea once when I found a box of leftover graduation annoucements in a closet in my parents’ house. Surely I had an elderly Southern aunt or three who would rather err on the side of etiquette and just send me a check again, right?

• Things I miss about living in the midwest: driving a big old giant car from the ‘70s out on the highway, going bowling. Maybe that’s more like things I miss about being 21, but same difference.

• Last night Liz played me a song off 50 Cent’s new album called “Bitch, Get in My Car.” Have you heard this song? When he whines “Bitch, git eeeeyun!”, I cannot stop laughing.

• Today I saw that pterodactyl ad again, only now there’s a sunny blue sky behind him. Dudes who made that ad, I know you read this site because you all emailed me, and I just want to officially voice my displeasure with the axing of the purple lightning storm background. Also, please make one featuring vampires.

• The other day I washed a lamp in the kitchen sink. I thought I was going to make a funny anecdote out of that, but screw it; I’m tired. I have to go get in the bathtub now and read my book. I started reading it two days ago, and so far I’m in love with it, and get this jolt of nerd glee whenever they say “shew” or “chuse.” Why don’t I have a fire to read by? This is total bullshit.

• P.S. If you say anything about the plot points of this book in the comments I will be really upset and sic that pterodactyl and my brother on you. Realize when you’re outnumbered and be smart about this one.