Published

This book comes out today, and I have a few things in it; nothing big, stuff you’ve probably seen before—in fact, I’m prouder of the bio I wrote for myself than the actual pieces, which are tiny and previously available online, so maybe don’t buy it at all, because doing so wouldn’t line my pockets any more than they’ve already been lined, maybe instead just go pick it up off the shelf of your local bookstore and leaf through it, and if you want to buy it anyway, sure, whatever, it's a funny book so go ahead, but I hope that while you’re in that bookstore, you flirt with some nice quiet dark-haired girl, maybe a girl with glasses who’s not displaying her midriff or her jutting hipbones, because God knows I’ve spent enough of my life in bookstores and libraries, watching boys and wishing I had the plums to flirt with them, but instead I’d just look away and read the same Edward Gorey book for the nine hundredth time, so, you know, if you pick up this book and read my little pieces and enjoy them, we’ll call it even if you end up flirting with some nice girl. But not in a cheesy way, because come on, she deserves a little better than that.