I’m a loner, Dottie:

Once, a friend sent me a forwarded email, and while reading through the other addresses, I found one called “pagingmrherman@blahblah.com.” I immediately had a crush on whoever this mysterious cool person was, attributing to them unfounded, John Cusack-like charms. I was just so sure that he was tall, and dark-eyed, and affable, and maybe even the type of guy that already owned nice pants and wouldn’t need me to tell him where to go to buy them, but if he did, he wouldn’t mope around like I was making him buy them. I mean, it’s your job interview. I’m not your mom. I’ll be in Borders while you make up your mind, Captain Short Pants. Then we can break up right before Christmas.

Anyway.

I finally met pagingmrherman, and he was an asshole. With a stupid girlfriend, which somehow just added insult to injury.

I don’t know what made me think of that.