Things About Me That Impress My 18 Year Old Brother’s Friends:

• I have my own apartment.
• The picture of me on my parents’ refrigerator, smiling on the beach in a bikini, circa 1994.
• I can write my name in cursive on a travel-sized Etch-a-Sketch while driving.
• I once saw Topanga at Hideaway Pizza.
• I am capable of buying alcohol, and often do.
• My best friend in high school was their former hot babysitter.
• I once hopped a freight train with my friend Josh. Yes, for real.

Things About Me That Do Not Impress My 18 Year Old Brother’s Friends:

• I once hung out with Frank Black.
• In the same vein, Frank Black once called my apartment. On purpose.
• My photographic memory.
• My excellent spelling skills.
• Yes, I have read all of those books on my shelves.
• “Why do you listen to all of this emo crap?”
• I will not buy them beer, nor will I allow them to purchase the three remaining Rolling Rocks in my refrigerator for $5 apiece, no matter how persuasive their “but you’re unemployed and need the money” argument may be.
• Frank Black! From the Pixies!