The post that would make my mother cry:

I recently went to a bridal luncheon at the Villa at Philbrook. Raspberry tea and dainty sandwiches do not a meal make. And what is it about weddings and fresh-cut flowers and big airy rooms that make everyone’s voice go up an octave? How wooooooonderful, oh, hahahahaha-ahhhhhh.

When I get married, everyone is wearing reflective jumpsuits and safety goggles, and dancing to Danzig.