One Ring to Rule Them All:

“See how bruised this pea made my ass?”

All I have to say is right on.

Like those bitches at The View, I resent Meg Ryan and Bridget Jones and their ilk for being elected to represent my gender (by secret ballot, evidently). All that bland, sexless, faux-quirky crap makes me want to puke. If they can’t hold their liquor or they could shop in the little girls’ department, they’re not really women.