One more week, part two:

Expanding that list, and renaming it Things I Want But Will Not Receive for My Birthday:

• a new muffler
• Mary-Kate and Ashley videos (not that kind, you sicko) (okay, maybe that kind)
• a deocrative license plate for the front of my car, preferrably of an air-brushed purple cobra and the name “Lola”
• bath soap that smells like a cosmopolitan
• Anna Waronker’s new album
• a subscription to Jane, so that I might refuel my hatred for Jane Pratt each month in a timely fashion
• for the love of God, this apron
• James Franco naked