Soup, anyone?

I made myself a cup of coffee in the kitchen at work, and while looking for a spoon, I discovered:

a) We do not have any spoons.

b) We have an entire drawer full of funeral home can openers.

You heard me: can openers—not the turn-and-twist kind, but the kind with the sharp end—with the words Moore Funeral Homes: First in Facilities, First in Service on the handle. I’m not quite sure what the intended demographic is here. People mourning the loss of a loved one, but desperately craving canned peaches? Very unsettling.

I took them all, of course.

Guess what everyone’s getting for Christmas?