And would you like your dignity in the bag, or in your purse?
Yesterday I went to the mall and actually got money back. I used two Aveda gift certificates that had been languishing in my purse all summer, sold nine old CDs, and returned a pair of shoes I’d purchased in a spending frenzy in Dallas over Labor Day weekend. Freshly-scented and high on this upswing of commerce, I got cocky and decided to try and return another pair of shoes, one that I’d purchased in July but only worn once, and only indoors. I walked in to Famous Footwear, announced my intentions, and decided to look around before I decided on an exchange or just a return. There was nothing that caught my fancy, so I walked back up to the register, where the salesboy promptly busted me.
“Ma’am, I’d be happy to give you store credit, but I don’t think we can take a full exchange on these.”
“Why not?” I asked, feigning soccer-mom levels of irritation. The only way I was going to pull this off was to be ballsy. “They’ve never been worn before.” Lie, lie, lie.
“Well, maybe they got scuffed in the store or something,” he said, humoring me. “Plus, there’s this.”
He tapped on the lid of the shoebox, where my former beau had scribbled I HEART SB in blue ballpoint pen two months ago.
Oh. Yeah. Well, there’s always that.
As if I needed a smug, acne-ridden teenaged shoe salesman to remind me.