My weekend in quotes:

1:08 am, Friday night/Saturday morning, at the bar:

Brian: …and so I walk in the door and Jon is on his stomach on the kitchen floor, ashtray by his side, aiming his gun at the space between the stove and the fridge.

Sarah (laughing): Are you serious?

Brian: I think he may have had a cup of coffee down there, too. Jon, do you remember if you had coffee, or just the ashtray? Jon?

Jon: I’m not going to lie to you guys: I haven’t heard anything you’ve said in the past two or three minutes, because I’ve been thinking about blowjobs.

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2:21 am, Saturday night/Sunday morning, my living room:

Parker Posey, as Jackie O in The House of Yes: If people are going to start telling the truth, I’m going to bed.

—

7:34 pm, Sunday evening, my parents’ living room:

Sarah (motioning to the TV): Why do they hate Romulans again?

Mom: Everyone hates the Romulans. They just do.

Sarah: Yeah, but why? Is there a reason?

Dad: Why do you hate sorority girls?

Sarah: I got you.