Dream lover:

You know how sometimes you’ll dream that you’re with someone that in real life, you don’t really know or don’t even particularly like, and then you wake up, but the next time you see them, you secretly think, heeey? Well, my person like this is John Leguizamo.

About a year ago, I had a dream where John Leguizamo and I were both at this fabulous underwater party, and he started flirting with me while we were in line for the buffet. At first I tried to ignore him, but by the time my plate was full, he had charmed me so completely that John Leguizamo and I were officially engaged. And yes: I know how short he is, and how spotty his movies are, but everytime I see John Leguizamo, I just have to smile, because he was so charming in that buffet line, I couldn’t wait to introduce him to my mom.

Plus, you know he’d know how to treat a girl in the sack. Is all I’m saying.