I think I’ve cornered the market on this one:

Tomorrow is our company Christmas party, where we have cocktails at 11 am and lunch at the best restaurant downtown at noon, and I’ve heard nothing all year but great stories about these annual parties, especially the part where any new employees—new as in weren’t around for last year’s party—have to tell everyone else the story of their most embarrassing moment.

In preparation for this, I spent the other evening telling Emily my top five most embarrassing moments over dinner, and then having her choose which was the most work-appropriate. This was a long decision process. I want the story to be funny, but not lame, and not too revealing. For instance, my top two most embarrassing moments are really funny, but so incredibly embarrassing I’d never share them with anyone other than very close friends, and only then after I’d rendered them blind and deaf.

The other end of the spectrum is the generic embarrassing stories, the kind that were always in YM, which basically always involve nudity and/or fluids. Before anyone even asks, I am not telling the neighbor story because when you tell that one in person, you can actually see everyone mentally picture you in your underwear, whether they want to or not, and that’s really uncomfortable, no matter how drunk my co-workers may be.

I just heard a rumor that you don’t have to tell an embarrassing story if you sing your high school fight song instead. I never thought I’d say this, but if only I’d had school spirit.