These are the Daves I know:
Ever curious about the people I encounter everyday at the front desk? Of course you are. Just for you, then, dear reader, my daily cast of characters:
Steve: Steve brings the mail up to my floor everyday. We always exchange friendly greetings. “Hi Steve!” I say. “Hello, Sarah,” he responds, though not quite as chipper. He smiles, but it’s a distracted smile. I worry that perhaps Steve isn’t content. However, he shaved the handlebars off his mustache and cut his hair, and now he looks much nicer. Plus, he never forgets and leaves the mail in the freight elevator like the last guy.
Dewey: Of all the deliverymen, Dewey is my favorite, mostly because he looks like he walked straight out of a Daniel Clowes book, or maybe a David Lynch movie. He’s sort of cute, in an if-Steve-Buscemi-were-hot kind of way. Plus, he wears a real work shirt with his real name on a patch, but looks like he could be a secret rockabilly guy who would wear the same thing ironically. Dewey and I had a little routine that turned into a rut that we have since wisely abandoned, wherein evidently I asked him one too many times if it was “raining out there,” prompting him to walk in and announce the weather before he even said hello. I am so glad we’re past that now.
Lady who waters the plants: Would it kill her to smile, or even be polite? Apparently so. Also, there was a small scandal wherein she refused to water someone’s tiny personal plant, but still wanted to schedule her watering so she could spend her 30-minute lunch hour in our kick-ass kitchen on the third floor. There were words.
Impeccably-dressed tall man with dashing vaguely European accent who says “Hello Sarah dear” in such a charming way that one can’t help but smile: He also has a gold tooth, but somehow, it’s totally debonair. However, I think he might be up to something sort of shady. I try not to think about that.
Impatient British guy who has some things to learn about Personal Space and Not Touching the Receptionist: I swear to God he uses man-tan.
Building maintenance guy: Think of the most annoying, skeevy, foul-breathed, whiny 50-year old redheaded man you can, and then picture his shirt unbuttoned two buttons too far.
Adorable pregnant courier lady who does not speak one word of English but has the biggest smile: Could I possibly love her any more? No.
FedEx guy: FedEx, are you looking for a new actual employee to star in one of your commercials? Because our FedEx guy is the best person ever in the history of the world. We never really say more than hello and thanks, but you can just tell by looking at his face that he is kind and capable and thinks before he speaks. I would totally leave my baby in care of the FedEx guy, had I a baby to leave.
FedEx girl: She’s okay, I guess.
Guy who picks up the back-up tapes every day at 2:30: He’s the only one my age. Sometimes we talk for a few minutes, if the tapes aren’t ready yet. I can never tell if he secretly enjoys this or if I bore him completely. When it snows, he wears a parka.
Guy who comes in to visit my boss all the time, and he’s nice enough, but the very first time he came in, he asked where the restroom was and I pointed it out, and then he picked up one of our coffee table books and took it with him, totally unashamed, and then put it back on my desk instead of the table 15 minutes later: Dude, for real.