Bill Andre’s Plan:

This could have been plucked from the pages of my own middle school diary. And to be honest, my flirting techniques are still pretty much at this level of sophistication.

I once had this elaborate plan to meet a boy I had a crush on in middle school that involved deliberately running into him in the hall, sending his books flying, and then as we both bent down to pick them up, coyly saying, “Oh, I’m sorry… uh… ” (here I look at his name written on his math book cover) “… John Smith.” And then I’d smile this big winning smile and he’d just hand over his ID bracelet like that.

One of the many kinks in this plan was the fact that he carried his books in a zipped backpack, located on his back. Also, he was an asshole who just shoved back when I ran into him. Thanks for making me think adolescence would be fun, TV!