Let’s get down to brass tacks:

I am not buying any more lip gloss or lip stain or any of that shit ever again. I bought a box of strawberry popsicles at the grocery store the other day, and if I want a wet red mouth, I just eat one before I go out. Tastes better and it doesn’t cost $14. Plus, it’s kind of a punk rock way to get red lips.

In other news, I just filed something called “The Unicorn Plan.” I love my job.