Housesitting:

Where have I been? I’ve been making sure my brother’s friends do not burn down my parents’ house, or perhaps bury it in Natty Light cans. This requires CONSTANT VIGILANCE, as my brother’s friends are here ALL THE TIME, and they are ALWAYS READY TO PARTY. I do not sleep. Seriously, I have slept a total of probably 12 hours in the past week. This makes me really cranky and weepy. This afternoon, I was watching Harry Potter on TV, and the part where they all file into the great hall with the floating candlesticks totally made me tear up. Then I shook my head and said Get yourself together, woman! and then I went out into the backyard and moved the sprinklers.

Remember, it would be a sin to envy me!

I suggested to my brother that perhaps one night, he and his friends could go OUT, and drink their Natty Light elsewhere. He insisted that “things are cool,” and “people are just going to be chilling.” I love my brother more than life itself, but I seriously cannot believe I am related to someone who uses “chill” as a verb, and that all this wanton chilling is robbing me of my life.

I can’t wait to go home. However, this is the best birth control ever.