Que Sera Sera

Does this person have webbed feet?

Hello! I am in Sonoma. I am typing this in a coffee house that’s blaring acid jazz while my parents “antique.” I do not do that, as a verb or a noun. We’re having fun, though. We’ve made smores and played 20 Questions, and my father is almost as entertaining at that as my friend Sarah N., although he asks if people are fireproof, or if they smoke Chesterfields, whereas Sarah asks if people are “made of straw” or “can they be milked?”

Seattle was great. Ryan and Anna’s wedding was beautiful and joyful and I was so exhausted and emotional that I had to take a time out at one point and go weep inside a tepee. I think we’ve all been there. I’ll upload pictures soon, so you can all relax and go on with your daily affairs.

An aside: I would like to be congratulated on not once sneaking out of BlogHer to go see The Dark Knight. I made a pact to see it with Josh when I get back, and I am honoring that pact, even though I was twice tempted. I am so faithful to Bale it’s ridiculous. I mean my friends. No, I mean Bale.

I am still guest posting at Mighty Goods, so go, look at that. Don’t cry in any tepees until I get back to New York. We’re all happy.

Seattle, Skoal, Mighty Goods Guest Posting

Hello! I’m in Seattle. It’s really bright and sunny and right now I’m sitting on my hotel bed while Tony and Emily read through the Cringe book on theirs. Earlier I had a falafel and then a frozen chocolate cheesecake truffle and now I’m going to take a nap, so things are pretty good.

I had fun in San Francisco. Last night I had a healthy dinner of nachos and Prosecco with Bryan and Maggie Mason, and we started a conversation with the nice Norwegian young men at the table next to us by trying to guess what language they were speaking. They very politely offered us all some Skoal, and Bryan was game, but I told them I was saving my mouth for my husband.

Hi mom!

Starting today, I’m guest posting over at Mighty Goods. I had a lot of fun finding and writing my summer-themed picks, so keep checking in there daily if you’re at all interested in lip gloss, books, and bloody-faced boys on T-shirts.


Well hello there, internet. Fancy seeing you here, since I feel like I just saw you, all weekend, everywhere. You had such great hair.

I had a good time at BlogHer. I got to finally meet people whose sites I’ve read and loved for years, plus some fun new people whose sites I look forward to reading. Our panel was fun, even though I lost my voice completely the night before at the Mighty Haus launch party, and had to whisper my profanity-laden website advice into a microphone. Which is something I enjoyed and would like to do again, as much as possible.

I have to go now because California is whispering low in my ear. It feels like early October here but everything is bright and pink and green, and there are cute boys everywhere. Seattle, I have high hopes for you.


Right now I’m supposed to be packing for my trip. So far I’ve given myself a pedicure, scrubbed the toilet, started a book proposal, and made three separate to-do lists. I’m eyeing the baseboards while I write this. Trying to pack appropriate clothing for three different climates is a little harder than I anticipated. “Layering” does not begin to cover this. I wish I was Mary J. Blige so I could just wear my bathing suit and a rabbit fur vest the entire time, but I’d hate to upstage the bride on her wedding day.

(Don’t think I’m not packing this for when I meet Antonia in the airport tomorrow.)

The Innernette!

My friend Chris is probably the funniest person I know. Definitely top five. He’s constantly pitching fake movies and TV shows. Like Saturday night at the bar, he came up with Wombstone, the network of westerns for ladies. Wombstone’s regular weekend line-up is Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman, Bad Girls and that one movie with Sharon Stone and Leonardo DiCaprio. That’s too bad, because it sounds like Wombstone wouldn’t run Chris’s movie Coplander, which is a cross between Copland and Highlander, with lots of beheading and Shia LeBeouf.

Chris also has plans for an iTunes celebrity playlist titled “Songs to Eat A Bloomin’ Onion To” that’s just five different remixes of “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child.

Anyway, Chris is also the person who introduced me to Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Do you watch this? You should. Chris and his co-workers and his other friend Chris made a 30-second promo for a contest for T&EASGJ’s third season starting on Adult Swim in a few weeks, and you should go to YouTube and watch it and give it five stars and leave flattering comments.

There can only be one!


Suddenly, sometime over the past two weeks, I fell back in love with New York. I’m not sure what happened, because I didn’t even want it to touch me for the past year, but it’s back on like crazy. So! I’m going to leave it for three weeks and test our love, just like you should with all healthy adult relationships that you want to grow and last.

Next week I’m headed to the West Coast, my favorite place to be in July. My first stop will be San Francisco, where I’ll be speaking on a panel at BlogHer with Evany Thomas and Melissa Summers, moderated by Maggie Mason. I think it’s a sign of my maturity that I’m just pulling for us to wear fake mustaches during the panel, not fake blood. However, if you come, and you wear fake blood, I will definitely be partial to answering your question first.

After a week in San Francisco, I’m heading to Seattle to for Ryan and Anna’s wedding, where Tony and Emily and Cambot and I will all sleep on an island, in tepees and covered wagons. This is my first trip to the Pacific Northwest and I’m really excited about it. Pacific Northwesterners, I imagine you are all coated in fleece and as nice as my Seattle-born roommate, Albee, so if everyone in Seattle isn’t incredibly chipper and asking me if I want some freshly-baked banana nut bread while we watch My Life on the D-List, I’m going to be really disappointed.

After Seattle, I’m spending a week in Sonoma with my parents, whom I love and miss dearly, but right now they are emailing me daily to ask if they need to pack “long pants” (Dad) and if I think there will be a washer and dryer (Mom), so I’m okay with that part being three weeks away.

Anyway. If you are at any of these places, please say hello. Except for Sonoma, because then you’d be a witness, and we can’t have that.

Attention humans:

Cringe is not tomorrow, July 2. It’s next Wednesday, July 9th.

There will be no August show, so this is the last Cringe before the book comes out at the end of the summer. I hope you’ll come. This way you can say you knew Cringe before it sold out. Starting August 26, Cringe only dates Scientologists.

Happy Fourth, and see you next Wednesday!

Cringe Reading Night
Wednesday, July 9, 8:30 pm
Freddy’s Bar and Backroom
485 Dean Street (6th Ave. & Dean), Brooklyn
2/3 to Bergen, any train to Atlantic/Pacific
More directions
Cost: as always, free dollars

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